Hello! And Happy Monday, my friends. This past weekend was rainy, cozy, and quiet around our house. I was able to accomplish the tasks I had on my list, although I did not do them on Saturday as usual. This Saturday I was in slow mode! Young Me would have powered through because the list said so, but older, wiser, and slower Me realized the world would not end if I waited another day. So, Saturday was a sit-on-the-couch-and-read day, followed by a nice Saturday evening Mass. Steve went out to the car show on the boardwalk, and Flynn was upstairs on the computer talking to some of her friends from Pennsylvania...Remember when we used to use phones...so I put on my jammies and watched some TV.
On Sunday, I did all the things: finished the laundry, washed and replaced the sheets, vacuumed, and even did a quick clean in our bathroom. I finished watching the show I started earlier and took a Sunday afternoon nap. Then, I made dinner, and we watched last week's Survivor episode. Which, to be honest, I am having trouble getting into. Something about the cast that I am not connecting with. They seem very young. Of course, I am old, so there's that. Dinner was a far cry from the chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy meal I prepared a few weeks ago. And that is perfectly fine because that is life. Some days are chicken dinner with all the fixings, and some days are chicken nuggets and boxed macaroni and cheese. At least they were spooky-shaped chicken nuggets, right?
My friend Heather and I spent time on the beach on Friday. This is one of our favorite things to do, and I am so glad the weather cooperated.
I smile because I took my book, and she had her magazines, as if we would open any of them! We talked for hours. And it still wasn't long enough.
Before I finish up today, I want to be sure to mention that this week, October 11-17, is recognized by The International OCD Foundation as OCD Awareness Week. If you have read here for a while, you may know how important this recognition is to me. Nine years ago, I wrote about my diagnosis for the first time. I was hesitant to share this information here, but realized that one of the reasons I was diagnosed so late in life could be due to the lack of discussion and information about OCD available. If sharing my story could help one person to know she or he is not alone, that there is a reason for the thoughts playing on repeat inside their head, that there is help available, and that it is possible to live a very happy life with OCD, I knew I had to do it. Below is part of the post I shared here on October 13, 2017. I could link it, but who wants to have to click to an old post, right?? If you are not interested, feel free to scroll past it. It is quite long!
How do I know so much about this subject? Well, a few years ago I was diagnosed with OCD. Although I often felt I had tendencies toward OCD behavior, I was able to manage them on my own for most of my adult life. Once I hit forty years of age, however, I became overwhelmed with my obsessions. My obsessions manifested themselves in the form of intrusive thoughts, mainly regarding my health. I became unable to distinguish fact from fiction, reality from delusion. I spent hours fixated on my upcoming mammogram, obsessed over a freckle I was certain was changing into a mole, or bumps on the back of my head. I could be fine for days, and then suddenly, I would be paralyzed with fear because I saw an article on Facebook about a woman with a horrible disease. My OCD would then cause me to fixate on the symptoms, which I of course researched on Dr. Google...DO NOT DO THAT...and my mind would be filled with scenarios of my death.
Although the term OCD is thrown around quite randomly, it is a real disorder, and those suffering from it, in my experience, are initially reluctant to shout it from the rooftops. It is more than being neat or disliking germs. It isn't a status symbol or worse yet, a joke. It is a serious mental health issue, and left untreated, will consume one's life and render him or her unable to function on certain days due to endless anxiety-ridden moments.
I am beyond blessed that my husband Steve recognized my need for help when the time came. He literally put me in the car and took me to an amazingly empathetic doctor. But even more, I was blessed to have the kindest, most respectful, and most considerate nurse, who immediately put me at ease. I felt able to open up and pour out all the thoughts I have carried in my head for so many years without feeling judged or, worse yet, labeled. When I left, my nurse April hugged me. I knew then that I was going to be ok. And thus began my way back from the depths of OCD.
My new doctor is amazing. She will literally sit with me and go over each of my concerns. She checks to make sure my issues are not real medical concerns. Then she reminds me that I will deal with this forever, but I have tools to help me now. She, my new gynecologist, and nurse April reassure me as well. They listen to me. They don't label me. I am comfortable with them, and I feel so relieved.
How else am I handling this part of my life? Well, I do take medication. And I am ok with that. I understand the medicine does not change who I am...it doesn't change ME. The medicine helps the part of my brain that needs it to function properly, so I can be the healthiest me I can be.
I also have an amazing therapist I visit when I need to be reassured. She has given me tools to use when I have a slip-up. Perhaps one of the best? OCD does not define me. I am NOT OCD. I HAVE OCD. It is a small part of me. And through medicine, therapy, and support and love from my family and friends, I am now able to say that yes...I have this thing I deal with. It is OCD. It is a pain. I think of it as my cross. I think everyone has something. And this is mine.
So there you are. Something about me you didn't know. But something I am not ashamed of. Something I share to encourage even that one reader who may be helped by my story. My advice to anyone suffering from this mental health issue...
- Admit it to yourself.
- Confide in a loved one.
- Seek help from a doctor or nurse professional.
- Follow the plan he or she sets out for you.
- Stick to the plan even when you feel better.
- DO NOT GOOGLE.
- Ever.
- Have faith in and love for yourself.
- Lean on your family and friends.
- Ditch the fear of judgment.
- Show yourself grace. This is hard!
- Pray. If that is your thing.
- Live your life. OCD doesn't define you.
Have a lovely Monday, my friends!
Thanks for visiting.
Billie Jo
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