Hello, my friends. Sorry about the radio silence last week. To be honest, I did not plan to be gone for so long. If you have read here for some time, you are familiar with my OCD and Health Anxiety battle. I had a setback last week, and honestly, it is hard. Although I have a wonderful support system and excellent tools, if I don't practice when things are going well, I am not prepared when anxiety decides to remind me it is ready and waiting.
Last week, I experienced a bout of OCD and anxiety and am still working through it. I could say I have no idea why, but I can see how a perfect storm was forming if I think about it. I am adjusting to a new phase in life, that of a mother to older children. Many days I am home alone, and I am missing those days with little ones. My dear mother is doing well, yet I am struggling to accept the fact that she is aging and progressing in her Alzheimers journey. I am also in that phase of life where we women hold on for dear life and try to make our way through the highs and lows of menopause.
In any case, I suddenly felt all those anxious feelings, heard all the irrational thoughts that OCD throws at me, and I worked through it as best I could. I felt tired, worried, sad, and unsure. I wasn't hungry. And I slept too much. And it sucked. It literally does. I know what is happening; I wish with all my heart it would stop, but I am unable to shake it off. That is anxiety for me. I am learning to ride the wave rather than try to stop it. I am learning to live with uncertainty and am refusing to engage with my irrational thoughts. I am a work in progress, folks.
As I said before, I debated whether or not to share this here, but if I can let one other person know that they are not alone, I am happy to be vulnerable. This is life. It isn't all puppies and coffee cups. Sometimes it is setbacks and tears. And naps. Thanks for listening, my friends.
Have a cozy week!