August 1, 2021

Sunday Evening Tea

 


Hello, my friends. Sorry about the radio silence last week. To be honest, I did not plan to be gone for so long. If you have read here for some time, you are familiar with my OCD and Health Anxiety battle. I had a setback last week, and honestly, it is hard. Although I have a wonderful support system and excellent tools, if I don't practice when things are going well, I am not prepared when anxiety decides to remind me it is ready and waiting. 

Last week, I experienced a bout of OCD and anxiety and am still working through it. I could say I have no idea why, but I can see how a perfect storm was forming if I think about it. I am adjusting to a new phase in life, that of a mother to older children. Many days I am home alone, and I am missing those days with little ones. My dear mother is doing well, yet I am struggling to accept the fact that she is aging and progressing in her Alzheimers journey. I am also in that phase of life where we women hold on for dear life and try to make our way through the highs and lows of menopause. 

In any case, I suddenly felt all those anxious feelings, heard all the irrational thoughts that OCD throws at me, and I worked through it as best I could. I felt tired, worried, sad, and unsure. I wasn't hungry. And I slept too much. And it sucked. It literally does. I know what is happening; I wish with all my heart it would stop, but I am unable to shake it off. That is anxiety for me. I am learning to ride the wave rather than try to stop it. I am learning to live with uncertainty and am refusing to engage with my irrational thoughts. I am a work in progress, folks.

As I said before, I debated whether or not to share this here, but if I can let one other person know that they are not alone, I am happy to be vulnerable. This is life. It isn't all puppies and coffee cups. Sometimes it is setbacks and tears. And naps. Thanks for listening, my friends. 

Have a cozy week!

Billie Jo


37 comments:

  1. Hi Billie Jo - I do understand. I deal with anxiety and depression and while I am doing much better - I still have rough patches. Praying for you. Virtual hugs from UT. Take care, my friend. I have been thinking about you.

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  2. Oh Billie, prayers. I relate, I sometimes, not too often, am hit by anxiety, sometimes about health issues, sometimes about no one thing in particular. It is frustrating. Taking short walks helps me, and prayer.

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  3. I am sorry for your struggles. Thinking of you as you maneuver this hurdle.

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  4. Thinking of you, Billie Jo. Sending love and hugs. Xx

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  5. We all have happy days, and we all have sad days, it is just part of being a human being. None of us have perfect lives, but most of us have good lives. Prayers that you get through this rough patch in your anxiety journey. Prayers for your sweet mom too. I did not know she had Alzheimers.

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  6. A huge hug from a follower that never leaves a comment. I love reading your blog, your happy moments and your no-so-happy ones.

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  7. So sorry you are going through this. I was worried when I didn't see a post for a bit. I love your blog but have never commented, I will say a prayer for you, take care, hugs from Shellie from Truro, Nova Scotia, Canada.

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  8. Billie Jo, you are definitely NOT alone in this. It's not just a matter of having good days and bad days - it's SO much more than that. Everything you said, I've experienced and continue to go through it. It's very hard to explain to those who don't experience it - although I'm older now and not going through the menopause stuff, depression is still an issue at times and I feel like my family just wonders why I can't just shake it off and move on. Thank you so much for being so transparent because we DO tend to feel alone in this and it is of tremendous help to know we aren't alone. Prayers are with you, Billie Jo - keep your eyes on Jesus!!!! Mary S.

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  9. You most def. are not alone with this my friend. We are dealing with aging parents (and dementia) as well, dealing with the aging process ourselves...no one wants to admit it though. When I had my hysterectomy 2 years ago it never truly registered...all of sudden...well...never mind...seeing young folks with babies...it just brings back so much...irrational thoughts and fears, ah yes...again...I have no desire to make you or anyone have these thoughts. Thank you for keeping it real, my friend.

    Keeping you in prayer Billie Jo.

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  10. My prayers are for you to feel better. I struggle with anxiety too but find it better now that I'm older. There are still struggles over health issues (real and imagined) but again - better now than in the past.

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  11. Hi Billie Jo~ praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts. Anxiety is something I struggle with as well, the struggle is real. Take all the time you need, we will always be here for you. Big hugs and many prayers being sent your way.

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  12. That you so much for sharing. It's hard to share something so personal but it does help us all. We have hormones that fluctuate all through our lives and that is something out of our control. And then there is so much to worry about in the world around us. I worried so much about the trip we just took and now we are back home. It all worked out and I survived...and wonder whey I worried so much. The more sensitive we are, the more we care (and worry). Sweet hugs! PS The Jeep sure was fun to travel in...I drove about half of the trip for a change!

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  13. I am proud of you for being vulnerable and open. I am also proud of you for taking the time you needed for yourself. (Naps included.)

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  14. Billie Jo - We don't know each other. I don't even remember how I started following you. I do know this that you sharing ups and downs has given insight many times into my own. I believe I could be the one person you write about that you have helped. You will be in my prayers.

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  15. Prayers for you this week, it's always tough adjusting to new things and phases. And let's the face it the past year with a pandemic has been tough on everyone. Be kind to yourself. I did miss reading your blog last week but I'm very glad you chose to take care of yourself. Hope you have a wonderful and peaceful week.

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  16. I hear you talking and I can relate. ❤️I hope this comment gets through the security system this time. Much love and prayers from a fellow Pennsylvanian and part time Mainer.

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  17. "It's not all puppies and coffee cups..." Honesty is hard to find online these days. Everyone wants to portray the perfect, happy life. You being you and telling your story helps people, including me. Praying for you friend. Rest and know that this space, your blog has taught me so much over the years and I am grateful for your friendship.

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  18. Love your honesty Billie Jo and I can relate on so many levels. I understand the feeling of life changing and kids growing up...I’m not taking the fact that Nicolas will be moving away in a month very Weill. I find myself close to tears more often than not and just wanting the days with my kids little back so badly. ❤️

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  19. I'm dealing with the same issues over here my friend. It totally sucks the life right out of you. Distraction always helps me. Try to get out and do something or go somewhere you've never been. FYI~There's a cute little coffee shop in Clarion that we used to visit when we had our cabin....:)
    Hope you feel better soon ❤️

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  20. Praying for you and your wonderful mom. God bless.

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  21. Honesty is rare, and refreshing. Thank you for it. Menopause is awful. Kids growing up and leaving home is also awful. I don't know how to word this, but we have this physical body that does it's thing, but in all our trials, we can fight to not let our thoughts go in the wrong direction. One little "feeling sorry for myself" thought can spiral quickly. I've had many battles in this, hang on to your faith in it all, and know that you are not alone! God bless you!

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  22. Hello my brave beautiful Friend!
    Thank you so much for sharing this. I can relate so well in so many ways. And I am in the same boat dealing with older children and being on my own for a while now through divorce on top of it. And losing my dearly loved best friend MIL to alzheimers 3 years ago. It has all been such an adjustment and I went back to therapy for some time to help with it. I think you are wonderful and so strong for sharing and know you always have an empathizing friend in me and ear anytime you need. My new email is cbeargroup15@gmail.com if you ever want to talk - and if you email I can give you my phone number too. Just want to offer that I'm here, although I know you have an amazing support system.
    God bless Billie Jo. xo

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  23. Hi Billie Jo, I shared before that I also have anxiety. I do have OCD too, in the form of intrusive thoughts. I will agonize over something I said more than 20 years ago. I get chest pain, feelings of doom, being so scared along with many other symptoms of anxiety. It's good to know we are not in this alone. I always say having anxiety is like a full time job trying to manage it sometime. I also have health anxiety. My left knee is very swollen and painful from my RA. I guarantee you, tonight, in the middle of the night when I wake up in pain, I will convince myself the whole leg will herd to go ! Take care, go easy on yourself and know lots of people are thinking about you.

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  24. I'm so sorry you are going through this right now in your life, Billie Jo. Yes, life has ups and downs, and us women all go through sadness and tears and discomfort and joy and hope and love. The only thing I can tell you is that you can't hold on to those bad thoughts and feelings, as that's what the enemy wants, and whenever I feel down in life, I pick up my Rosary and say it. That helps every time. May God comfort you right now during this difficult time, and please know that your blog friend is sending great love to you right now. : )

    ~Sheri

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  25. I don't suffer from anxiety but I am a natural worry wart. My mother has dementia too so I understand that feeling.

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  26. I am so sorry you have been struggling with this. And I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. I will be praying for you friend. I too am struggling a bit. Peter leaves for college next week, Sarah will be a high school senior,I have gained over 20 pounds in the last year and a half, and am wondering what's next for me. Solidarity, sister!

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  27. You are so not alone! Ended up the walk-in clinic last week with a rash. I've had rashes since I was a child, and they're always a combination of allergies and anxiety. That said, I haven't had one in years and didn't even realize how much the state of the world was getting to me. Doing much better, but always aware to be much more patient with myself. Hugs and prayers!

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  28. Sharing is good, you never know who you will help by doing so. I will be praying for you my friend, HUGS!

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  29. Sweetie,the whole world is feeling afraid, anxious,
    Depressed. Just glancing at the news has become overwhelming! I'm sorry for all your going through right now. But you have a lot of wonderful people praying for you! That should warm your soul. Your not alone. Praying for you Billie Jo.

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  30. I've been away for awhile too, so I missed this post. I'm so sorry you were struggling with this issue. As you know, I can relate and always appreciate knowing there are others out there who do too! It's so difficult when you WANT to feel happy and "normal" and your body/mind are just messing with you! I hope things are on the upward swing this week. Thinking of you!

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  31. I have OCD too, and the intrusive thoughts can be debilitating. Hugs and healing!

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  32. God bless you my friend. I too deal with anxiety and I understand how you feel. Life gets hard and we do have to ride out the hard times. Going through the hard times make me even more thankful for the good times. Hugs to you my friend.

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Thanks so much for saying hello!

Billie Jo