Monday, August 15, 2016

In Their Own Time

I've been parenting for a long time. Almost twenty years in fact. One of the many things I have learned is something that is easy to say, yet harder to remember. I was reminded of the importance of it this week, and was quickly validated in my belief. It really isn't anything earth shattering. It is simply this... Children will do most things in their own time. Comparing and panicking and reevaluating are merely huge wastes of our precious time with our littles. (One note...Certain cases in which a medical condition may contribute to a child meeting certain milestones are not what I am commenting on here. In those cases medical advice is most definitely needed to help the child achieve any set goals.)

A few months ago, we attended a birthday party for Flynn's friend. He is a sweet little guy who was also in Kindergarten. While Flynn is homeschooled, he attends Kindergarten in a small public school. When it came time to open the presents, her little friend carefully removed each and every card and clearly read each aloud. I was impressed and very happy for him! At the same time, a tiny little seed of doubt was planted in my mind. Flynn was nowhere near that place in her reading. Was I doing it wrong? Was I hindering her ability? But just as quickly, a complete sense of calm came over me. I reminded myself of something I had learned through those twenty years of parenting my four little blessings. And I cut out that seed of doubt before it ever had a chance to grow.

In my experience, children will do most things in their own time. Rolling over, crawling, walking, tying shoes, buttoning coats, reading words and then books. All I need to do is patiently present and demonstrate and sit back and watch them try. Then I can lend assistance and offer praise when necessary. No panicking or self doubt necessary. : )

Yesterday Flynn came to me with a book, one I had read to her many, many times. And guess what? She asked if she could read it to me. So we cuddled on the couch, and my little girl read. She read and giggled, and sounded out words. And then she read it again. And again at night to her family. And she did wonderfully. And best of all...she did it in her own time.



 
 




21 comments:

  1. I wish you could see me smiling, Billie Jo. Have a beautiful day and great job Flynn!!! [[[smiling}}}

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  2. Awwwwe! This is such a super inspirational post. I too have had to realize the same. Now I have only been parenting for 11 Years and homeschooling for 2(going on 3), but seems it doesn't get easier. So amazing that you have this peace and calm while understanding children move and learn at their own pace and its not our job to panick, but as you said, to present, demonstrate and watch. Amazing. Happy Monday to you and your fam!

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  3. The lesson I need to be reminded off right now. Thank you. Hooray for Flynn!

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  4. Oh, I love this so much! I remember trying to push my kids to hurry and go to the potty or to hurry and sleep through the night, or to get to whatever milestone I thought they should already be at, and having a lot of frustration (from me and from them.) I have realized in the years since that eventually everyone reaches those milestones. They can all go to the potty. They all sleep through the night. And they can all read. And the only difference is, the ones who made it there on their own were so much happier in the process. :) I love that you didn't let that little seed of doubt turn into a whole plant. You are a wise and wonderful mother!

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  5. You certainly made me smile, never a truer word said. What a wonderful achievement for Flynn, done in her own time when she was ready. Well done.

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  6. Everything in its own time! We just have to remember that and be reminded of that sometimes don't we!

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  7. Hey Billie Jo! It's Lisa from Instagram aka hot_coffee4lisa :) I always enjoy reading your posts, I had to comment & share this since I am a fellow homeschooler too!! Yes, throw that seed of doubt away! As a mom who has homeschooled more than one kid *From the very beginning! Children will all learn & master things in their own time, just like you said! Including reading, writing & spelling! I have a 10 yr old who was not reading fluently ALL on her own until we entered the first grade school year. She is an amazing reader and speller & just finished thru reading every Harry Potter book in 2 months! She is an avidt reader. Than there is my other daughter who is only 14 momths younger, she just turned 9, she will benin 4th grade this year and she did not become a fluent reader or spell all that good until about 1/2- 3/4 into the 3rd grade. She will be in 4th grade this year & is an excellent reader, she spells "most" words correct ;) Had she been in public school, she def would have been labeled as being behind, but like you said, she just was not ready. But now we go to the library & she can pick up any book and read it no problem. Both my kids LOVE to read!! I mean love and are very good at it! I totally believe their love or reading & learning comes from not having to have had it shoved down their throats too early or when they were not ready. Sometimes the gentle approach, the patient approach, is the best approach!! I am gonna have a kindergartener in the house this year too :) And I have one who graduated this year!! Lots of excitement & changes for the upcoming school year here! Hope you are well!

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  8. I loved reading this today. Thank you for sharing, and encouraging our hearts. :)

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  9. So true! Love it Billie Jo - and I think as Mom's we've all been there. And yay for Flynn!! Have fun on your reading journey Little One. Happy week to you sweet Friend. xoxo

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  10. And also another easy to say but hard to put into practice is one of my favorites - "Comparison is the thief of joy."

    Way to go, Flynn!

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  11. I couldn't agree MORE!!! And I teach reading! Seriously, Billie Jo... Abigail is about to go into 4th grade and her math understanding/skills are about on a 1st grade level. It will all come in time. We did a little summer 'homeschooling' this summer but it was slow and easy, first grade addition because that is what she can handle right now. She's getting it and I'm proud of her (even if it three years behind) I love your attitude and your philosophy. And ya know what? I think crazed parents who worry about levels their child is at make it harder for their child to learn. I love the learning tone you create in your house and the love that goes into it. And yes, all in their own time!

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  12. Good for Flynn! It is so fun when kids begin to read on their own. Yes, it is hard not to compare sometimes, but you've got it right. We all grow and do things when we are ready to do them. Thanks for a really nice post! Have a great week!

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  13. Bless her sweet heart! (And yours, Mama.) And what wonderful, joyful books to start with. This post made me smile. Clink! (That was my coffee cup giving yours a high five!)

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  14. Great post. Comparing kids progress is pointless as each child is unique.

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  15. Good morning Billie Jo,

    Good for you and good for Flynn!

    It was wise of you to immediately set doubt aside and remember what you already knew. I always dislike it when people compare children. I have found what you said about children doing things at their own time to be true.

    It was so sweet how Flynn decided to get a book and read to you and, later, to the family. (By the way, I love Are You My Mother?. It was one of the first books that I remember reading when I was a child.) I am sure Flynn will blossom in her reading this school year. It is such a joy to get to watch your child learn. The young years were my favorite years of working with my children – I miss those years. Enjoy every minute, as I am sure you do. I always did, and they still slipped past me too fast.

    Have a joyful week with these last days of summer,
    ❤️Hope

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  16. So very true that children will do it in their own time. The beauty of home schooling is they are able to go at the pace that works best for them. I used to home school but had to stop due to health problems. Those memories are precious to me. Have a great week! Juli

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  17. Oh yes ... I tell new parents this same thing. Please don't force your child into a mold, based on another child. Each child is unique and learns things are their own unique pace.

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  18. What a great reminder -- each one is so unique and special! Love that you shared this!

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  19. I am so happy you posted this lovely reminder. Just another reason how the our beautiful blogs can show us that we are not alone and are more alike than we may realize. I've had those own seeds of doubt myself about John - many, many times. At the end of the day it always seems to work out fine and he catches on in his own. So happy for Flynn! Just that little bit of confidence is so important to kids. Thank you for sharing this today! ♥♥♥ XOXO

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  20. My son Joey is going to 1st grade and I sometimes think the same thing. Thanks for those encouraging words I needed to hear......:)

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Billie Jo